A Cunning Plan: Fieldnotes from a Mad Historian

                           Alleged photo of the infamous Archie Duke, with ostrich.

I love studying history, I'm hypercritical, and I love to indulge in mockery. Therefore, it seems only right that the hunting, studying, and correction of various HistoryFAILs should become a running, though infrequent, feature on this blag. 

This feature, Fieldnotes from a Mad Historian, 
will record various forms of HistoryFAIL, classifying them as either "Definitely an Ostrich Involved" or "Alien Space Bats," and then taking steps to correct them.

 No doubt new categories will be made as new and exotic forms of bullshit are encountered, but those two have worked thus far. 

Alien Space Bats are pretty simple: HistoricalFAILs that are so ludicrously, hilariously WRONG that I must share them with you, dear reader, because misery loves company for your amusement. Alien Space Bats are usually too ridiculous to have widespread influence, typically travel alone, and can be dealt with using simple research and mocking.  (The term is cribbed from TVTropes.)

    Pictured: A prime example of Alien Space Bats

"Definitely an Ostrich Involved." 

The phrase (as well as this blog's name) comes from  Blackadder Goes Forth* and a character's theory as to what started WWI**.  

Private Baldrick: I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.

Captain Blackadder: I think you mean it started when the Archduke of Austro-Hungary got shot. 

Private Baldrick: Nah, there was definitely an ostrich involved, sir. 

Definitely an Ostrich Involved indicates a much more troublesome situation than Alien Space Bats. These are HistoryFails that, for any number of reasons, have managed to infest pop culture, politics, "Common Knowledge," and sometimes even academia. 

Confronting a Definitely an Ostrich Involved requires a protocol; as oversimplification is a major part of Definitely an Ostrich Involved, captured HistoryFAILs are first broken down into manageable components and categorized; said components are then thoroughly researched, and the findings are presented with a liberal amount of humor (to ward off despair with humanity). 

Common classifications of the components of Definitely an Ostrich Involved:

Upton Sinclair, Neat Freak Extraordinaire: 

Cases of Definitely an Ostrich Involved derived from misreading of historical accounts and records, usually caused by failing to consider the possible biases and motives of the sources, a lack of contextual knowledge, and sometimes just completely missing the point. (Among other causes.)

The title is based on Upton Sinclair's attempt at advocating socialism via his novel The Jungle. Unfortunately, the public was too busy shrieking "YOU MEAN I'M EATING THAT CRAP!?" to care about the brutal exploitation of the workers portrayed in the book. 

Jessie Pope Eats Babies: Historical individuals who are not the complete monsters that they are popularly portrayed as. The title comes from Jessie Pope, a British writer of the early 20th Century, who is nowadays generally known as "That Brainless Jingoistic Twat that Wilfred Owen Schooled with 'Dulce et Decorum Est.'" No, I wouldn't award Pope with the Nobel Prize for Literature, and yes, stuff like "The Call" is, to put it kindly, tone deaf, but she doesn't live up to her folkloric reputation. (George Simmers delivers an excellent and sorely needed smackdown to this meme.)

This being human history, there will be times when a subject of Jessie Pope Eats Babies may indeed be a jerk. That is irrelevant. The important part is that they are not jerks of the same caliber as their common portrayals. 

Saintly King Louie IX: The much luckier opposite of Jessie Pope Eats Babies, these are historical individuals who are remembered far more fondly than they should be. A common form of this is portraying people (the ones we like, anyway) with values that are much more palatable to modern audiences.

Like the unfortunates over in Jessie Pope Eats Babies, subjects of Saintly King Louie IX may have done good things or may even have been nice to the waiter, but do not match their saintly status.

Named for Saint Louis IX of France, a French king, Saint, eager crusader, jerkass to French Jews, patron of the arts, and namesake of my hometown.

Sir/Ms. Not-Appearing-in-this-History: People, places, events, etc., that are more obscure than they should be. Social biases are a common cause, thobugh not the only one. 

We've Always Been at War with EastAsia: HistoryFAILs caused by rigid devotion to a specific ideology. 

More classifications will be developed as necessary. An actual post would have more thorough research, citations, and...not be as simplistic as I've been just now. Did I mention the citations? Good ones, too.

FOR SCIENCE HISTORY!

Regards, 

PolyesterSpectre

TL;DR version: Stay tuned, I'm going to be making fun of screw-ups involving history, and researching (hopefully) more accurate info. 

*The last episode, to be specific, which is best watched with a box of hankies and a warm shoulder to cry on.

**WWI is a motherlode of both Alien Space Bats and Definitely an Ostrich Involved. It will probably, at some point, get a feature dedicated specifically to the humorous dissection of the many, many HistoryFAILS inflicted upon it.